Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
