i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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