I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
