Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
