i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
