I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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