i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
whose ass print is on the piano?
What drink are we having for lunch?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize