your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
