I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
