I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
