Say something about gay babies.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
