We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
