She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
