really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize