K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
