I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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