God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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