Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
