Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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