Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
