i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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