apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
