Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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