dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
