so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
