Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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