how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Panties = found
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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