I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
