WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
