I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
