It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I DEMAND FORESKIN
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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