He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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