oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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