I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize