She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
