shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
