i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
