i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
