Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
