why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
