Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
