I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
