The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
