I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
