found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
