dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
