It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize