i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
