hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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