I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
