as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
