why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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