I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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