The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
