I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
