wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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