One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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