I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize