If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
