Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
