Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
