i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
