He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
