youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
