FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize