Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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