Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
