Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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