I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
