we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we're making bets on your personal life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
