And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
