omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the condom got lost in my hair
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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