Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
