you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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